Change of Address

You guys may have noticed that last week I put up a "Help Wanted" note in the sidebar. About three hours or so after I had posted that a new e-mail arrived in my inbox. So I checked the e-mail, interested to see if it would be one of those "Let me help you, I'm amazing and you wont be disappointed," letters (despite the depressingly low probability of such a letter). What I received was in fact quite the opposite.

What I had expected to be a letter from someone wanting to help me out with this site was, in fact, a letter from someone wanting me to help out with their site.

"I'm (insert name of dude from mvn), the director of NFL coverage for Most Valuable Network LLC (mvn.com). I've been checking out your blog for the past few weeks and have really been enjoying the content you've produced. I happened to notice the "Help Wanted" section you recently placed on your site, and I think MVN could be of considerable assistance to you. "

-Letter from dude at MVN.com

To make a long story short, they had a guy 'writing' for their Texans page, but he didn't do too much (I described it to the fine folks at mvn.com as "very modestly maintained"). So I'll be replacing him and Bull Pen Dirt will be moving to MVN.com. Here's a big, fat, self-promoting link to it:

http://mvn.com/nfl-texans/

if I could make this any bigger or more self promoting...I would.

I wont be writing any different (which means the titans still wont be capitalized -- ever), so don't worry about that. With that said I probably wont be posting on Blogger very often anymore. Thanks to those guys (blogger) for providing a free spot to channel my A.D.D. while I sit trapped in a cubicle over the summer. Thanks to everyone who's been reading what I have to say (both of you). And thanks to MVN.com for giving me an opportunity to cover the Texans for them.

To all you guys who willingly linked Bull Pen Dirt to your page (I didn't have to pay as many of them to as I expected, surprisingly enough), I'd be indebted to you all if you could update the link to the one above. If not that's cool too.

So yeah. Head on over there whenever you get a chance, I guess.

Thanks guys.

Extra Dirt

I'm going to try and get the poll back up ASAP. Frank Okam is administering quite a beat-down on the rest of the rooks, though.

Texans Training Camp: Offensive Positional Updates

Just the facts, quick and dirty.

Quarterback: Matt Schaub's the starter. Coach Kubiak claims that there's open competition (which I'm sure there is), but it doesn't look like Sage is much of a threat for now.

Running Back: Ahman Green is starting; Slaton looks good, but he's been fumblin'; Walker and Taylor are neck and neck. The Texans signed former Broncos RB Mike Bell yesterday as insurance (and an extra body) while Chris Brown nurses a hangnail. Or something to the equivalent (back problems, despite never touching the field).

Wide Receiver: Andre Johnson put skeptics of his successful knee rehabilitation on shut up -- real fast. Kevin Walter says he's gotten quicker. Jacoby's missed time with a foot problem (and a DUI court hearing problem). Kubiak says Walter reminds him of Ed McCaffery -- insightful.

Tight End: Owen's the man, even if the Chronicle is snubbing the guy. I haven't seen a thing written about him. And yet, there's a write-up on Joel Dreessen. Burn.

Right Tackle: Eric Winston looks real good in Gibb's system from what I hear. The Chronicle's John McClain says he's a beast. This spot on the O-line is set.

Right Guard: Mike Briesel's holdin' it down at the moment. The coaching staff is confident in him, but I wouldn't be surprised to see Fred Weary grab his spot back.

Center: Newcomer Chris Myers is the starter. Not a lot to speak of really. I guess no news is good news.

Left Guard: Chester Pitts isn't being challenged for his spot. Moving right along....

Left Tackle: Rookie Duane Brown is running with the first team. He avoided a hold-out at the last minute, but showed up to camp overweight and out of shape. Salaam's been relinquished to the back-up role.

Fullback: Vonta's starting, but Chris Taylor's been asked to start learning the position himself. Jameel Cook is still terrible.

Overall....

1) The line looks good
2) No one's been seriously injured
3) Dre and Schaub are 100%
4) Chris Brown is a pansy

I'll bring you up to speed on the defense in the next post.

Extra Dirt

Steve Smith had apparently had enough of the midget jokes

McFadden's a top 11 RB "...[s]imilar in ability to last year's top rookie running back Adrian Peterson," according to this bum. AP ran behind a herd of rhinoceroses. D-Mac wont.

Mike Bell signs with South Denver (Houston)

You know Mike Bell has to be feeling pretty good about himself right now. He came in just this morning for a scheduled work-out with the Texans and had himself a roster spot by noon.

I'd keep a box in my trunk if I were Chris Brown (might have to scoot the extra leg braces and crutches out of the way, though). Looks like he'll be packin up his locker pretty soon.

Bell is best known for his 15 minutes of fame that, well, every other Denver running back enjoys. Play a couple games, rack up some crazy numbers, dissappear into obscurity. His moment came as a rookie in 2006 when he boasted a 4.3 ypc average while piling up 677 rushing yards and 8 TDs in a very crowded (and non-substance abusing) Broncos backfield.

Bell fell out of favor in Denver after failing to successfully make the transition from running back to fullback. Shanahan gave him the boot July 22nd.

Goody for us!

Here's what Bell brings to the Texans:

1) A healthy body that can tote the rock, and spell the other backs at training camp.

2) A quick back, well-versed in the zone-blocking scheme.
(This is the most important factor. even if he's cut, he will have helped the team by helping show our other RBs some of the nuances to it.)

3) A running back with pass-catching ability

4) A running back not named Chris Brown.
(as much as I love titans retreads....)

5) A very young Back with the potential to improve

6) A back who can handle the load as an every-down back, should (when) Ahman go down.


This is a great move, in my opinion. Unfortunately safety Brandon Harrison had to be cut to make room for Bell. That crying sound you hear? That's John McClain. Just turn the radio down. It's sad to see a guy with that much upside go...but we were crowded at safety as it was.

***UPDATE***

The Houston Chronicle originally said Brandon Harrison was cut. turns out it was actually Brandon Mitchell (I left my original statement because I still think it's funny). This only proves my point further: the Texans have too many safeties. So much so, that no one can keep track of them all apparently. That is all.

Keep those Denver castoffs a-comin'!!!

Extra Dirt

Kuharsky, well done. I like good listeners. Consider your probationary status removed. For now.

You're my boy, Chris Brown.

Look, it's easy to dislike Chris Brown at the moment. But I'm not a fan of easy (absolute lie). I like to take the path less travelled (not as rushed). So with that said, don't worry Chris Brown. I've got your back.

Ever since your self titled album first debuted, I've been a HUGE fan. The way you can manipulate words in such a rhythym...

...wait. *holds hand to earpiece*

That's the one we're talking about right? You mean there's two Chris Browns?
...and one plays for the Texans?

OH YEAH! The kicker right?

...oh that one. Jeez there's a bunch. *returns*

Ok this got a little tougher. Don't worry though! I'm on your side Chris. You see, I understand what you're going through. You feel like people have labelled you right? They've called you nasty things like "injury prone" and "brittle." But these people are being naive. We both know you bring way more to the table than a question mark. For example, here's one scouting report I've found:

"Brown's career has declined quickly and if forced to carry the ball a high percentage of the time, he has proven to be a major durability risk, but he still can help a team as a powerful backup who doesn't have to take a ton of hits..."

See there's some positive stuff in there! It says right there that you're "powerful!" And look, even Coach Kubiak had nothing but praise to speak of you:

"Am I disappointed he's not on the field? Yes. I'm not disappointed in Chris. I just know he can help this team. We got to make sure we get him right."

That sounds like a strong endorsement to me. Look, you've got nothing to worry about, man. Just take your time, rest up, and when you get back you can show everyone the player you really are. Not some overhyped talent with an unparallelled ability to squander opportunities. But a true performer. I believe in you man.

In fact, I'm so sure that you'll be a benefit to this team that I've devised a plan to fix this whole thing and restore your good name. The best part about it, is that it uses only Brown related things. So when someone asks who helped with your resurgence, you can simply say "Brown" and people will assume you're just an aloof egocentric athlete referring to yourself in the third person. It's brilliant! Alright, here's the plan:

1) It all starts with timing...and your's has proven to be terrible. Don't worry though, there's a Brown for that. Get good with this guy, and timing will never be an issue.

2) Once that timing is back, you'll want to prove to everyone that you can still be a powerful fast runner. I'm going to set you up with another Brown who made a name for himself the same way. No, not Jim. Think Bigger. Take his advice...just make sure to tie your own shoes on gameday.

3) Alright, you've got the timing and the ability. Let's get the fans back on your side. Best way to do that? Make 'em feel sorry for you. I can't think of a better Brown than this guy...so you better take notes. I'll give him a call, but if he asks you to practice kicking drills...pass. We don't want you getting hurt all over again. You could also use some TV time to get your name back out there. I think I have a Brown for that too.

4) Finally, you NEED to stay healthy man. Think I don't have a Brown that can help with that? Think again.

So there you go, Chris. What you have there is a fail-safe plan, so I don't want to listen to any excuses. You're gonna be great....I can feel it.

(and if you flop, which I'm actually betting on, here's two more Browns who can help you: a Brown who can relate to the pink slip, and a Brown to drive you out of town. Trust me, he's good.)

Thank god your last name wasn't Okoye.

Texans Training Camp Correspondence and Poll Results

"Hey Kubiak! LOVE the hair!" -R. Lee Ermey

What you should expect to find in the Texans' e-mail accounts over the past few days.

To: Gary Kubiak
Re: R. Lee Ermey
"LOVE the haircut."

To: Chris Brown
CC: Jacoby Jones
Re: Gary Kubiak
"Our jerseys don't come in women's sizes. Get on the field."

To: Ahman Green
Re: Chris Brown
"I'm gonna 'recover' tomorrow, so if you happen to get 'injured' today at practice everything should be fine. Just like we planned it ;-D"

To: Kris Brown
Re: Craig Waibel
"OWNED!"

To: Mario Williams
Re: Duane Brown
"Please stop picking on me. I'm trying very very hard."

Feel Free to add your own

Extra Dirt

Poll Voting closed today. Here's the final results:

At the end of the season, who will have more rushing yards?

Darius Walker: 68%

Ahman Green: 12%

Steve Slaton: 10%

Chris Brown: 8%

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume that there might've been some double balloting. Either way, congrats to Darius Walker.

Chron's General dishes Texans dirt at midday chat

Today around noon John McClain of the Houston Chronicle jumped online and fielded questions from fans about the Texans Training Camp. I screen shotted the better questions and assessments for everyone to see that didn't make it.


McClain's take on the CB battle:

I told you guys Xavier Adibi was going to be more than a special teamer! Over Greenwood though? That's bold McClain.


Rookie Update: Dominique Barber

Rookie Update: Frank Okam


McClain discusses the Cherokee (Gibbs) and the O-Line:


Chris Brown better raise up:


That's right, I said Kris Brown better raise up:


And lastly, the ignorant question of the day award:

Peter King(sized) talks Texans. Texans talk back.

"But that’s just the way it is in our business. If you have an opinion, you sometimes get crucified for having one." --Peter King

I've got a better one, Peter.

"A point of view can be a dangerous luxury when substituted for insight and understanding." --Marshall McLuhan

Let's cut to the chase. Things like this:

Look like some shock-factor-stunt meant to rile up a bunch of fans so you circulate your name just a little bit more. Well congratulations, we're riled. And unfortunately, your name will continue to circulate. Not because of your blind assessment towards a fan base that has established an intimidating presence across multiple professional sports venues (There's MLB. There's NBA. Oh and here's your NFL.). Because you've demonstrated an uncanny ability to consistently suck and still keep a job.

Passion (n): a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything. For you Peter, passion might be found...well we can see where you find passion. For Texans fans however, passion can be found before, and throughout EVERY Texans game since day 1 (this one has no food references like the other 2, Peter, so you might want to skip it. It's just another sports website with some hack columnist).

Which brings me back to the quote I responded with at the top of the article. Think before you speak man. Otherwise, you'll start to lose credibility from your colleagues. Example! (sic)

I mean, McClain wouldn't know what he's talking about....would he?*

If I was some fifty-year-old, I'd probably cancel my Sports Illustrated subscription in lieu of your ignorant team bashing. But I don't have a Sports Illustrated subscription. Because it sucks.

I leave you with a final nugget of wisdom.

"Don't start no shit....wont be no shit."
--Will Smith, Men In Black

By the way, you suck.

*Thought I should add, that was from an online chat session earlier today where John McClain fielded questions about the Texans Training Camp. Four chatrooms filled up with people trying to find out what he had to say about the Texans. But alas, no passion in H-town (and yes I know I mispelled passionate. I was in a hurry.)